Building your child’s self-esteem

What is self-esteem? Why is self-esteem so important? How do we ensure our children grow up with loads of self-esteem?  These are very powerful questions.

Self-esteem is how one esteems oneself, in other words it is what you think about yourself.  Do you think of yourself as OK or not OK? Do you think of yourself as lovable and therefore I matter or the opposite?

Self-esteem is so important because it is the key to having a happy and successful life.  Did you know that underlying nearly all unwanted behaviour patterns are negative self-esteem beliefs?

So how can you ensure that your children grow up with high self-esteem, to have happy and successful lives?

Lots of us grew up in very critical homes and I am sure you want to ensure that you don’t make the same mistakes your parents made, so you’re probably heaping lots of praise on your children say things like; “That was great, I’m so proud of you” or “Well done, you are a clever boy/girl”.  And that doesn’t build self-esteem, all though it is better that criticism, it loses credibility if your child doesn’t think it was great or they are clever.

There is nothing wrong with praise. The problem is when you constantly praise your child, they start to look for approval outside and they need the praise to feel good about themselves. They can become “approval junkies” So what do you do instead?

Instead of saying to a child who has just tidied his room; “Well done, what a good boy you are.” You could try one of the following:

Describe what you see – “I see a clean floor, a smooth bed and books all neatly lined up on your shelf.” Or

Describe what you feel – “It’s a pleasure to walk into your room.”

Sum up the child’s praiseworthy behaviour with a word – “You sorted out your pencils, crayons and pens and put them in separate boxes. That’s what I call organisation.”

The difference is you’re giving your child positive feedback and he can take that on board and self-praise.  So he will think to himself, after receiving this feedback, I’m really good at tidying my bedroom or I’m pretty organised.

If you are looking for a good book to help you be the best parent you can be I recommend - "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, published by Piccadilly Press.

Looking forward to reading your comments.

Check out my website at http://www.lorraineburwood.co.uk/